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2 years ago
1-6-10
It’s been a while since the last time I wrote in my blog. So many things happened in the last few months. Lots of people I know had passed away. Lost of ups and downs in my life. It’s been 5 moths since Thinh and I stopped being best friends. I thought I would be ok, but I was wrong. It was too late for me to realize how important he was to me, but now, everything is back to the time when we didn’t meet, except for the fact that I’m not as happy and innocent as I once was. I was startled to realize how much I’ve changed. I guess my sister was right in the beginning, I’m not meant to have any close friends, because it will only make me suffer in end. I learn it in a hard way. I ended quite a few friendship over times. Is it because of me? I don’t even know. But I never say anything. They are mad. They hate me. So what? It’s not like I can feel anything anymore. I hate myself for not being able to defend myself. I hate myself for not being able to tell anyone how I feel. I hate it. I’m tired. At times, I wish I could disappear from this world. I feel so lost and lonely.
I had a fight with my sister right before christmas. My mom said I don’t care about my family, that I don’t love her and family. It breaks my heart. I wish I could have enough guts to hold a knife and stab it right into my sister’s chest. My mom always trust my sister more. But I didn’t. I went back into my room, and cried my heart out. I hated everything that’s going on in my life. No one ever understands me. My mom never trusted me. Suddenly, it all connects and makes sense to me, about what my mom has been thinking and doing. I wish that I wasn’t exist on that day.
Today, I had an allergy reaction. I overdosed the medicine. I guess I like overdosing my medicine. It makes me sleep better. It stops me from dreaming in my sleep. It makes me mom cared about me more. And most of all, it makes me dizzy and forget everything else that’s going on.
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